why am i worrying?

I was driving early this morning, playing music, praying before another meats practice.  We go to a National contest in a week and it's been intense.   With my head pain, I've been just trusting GOD.  Truth is, I was so scared because I was trying so hard myself instead of trusting God.  It was making my pain worse, I was so stressed out.. so stressed out.. freaking out. haha.  it was a mess.  

So, the last couple practices, I've been reading my Bible before way more, praying a ton, just not worrying because God has it.  My scores have gone way up.  I'm where I need to be and I know I can get even better... working towards perfect scores.  I have a week still.  I can do this - because God is my strength.  My heart is so much more peaceful.  I don't have to worry anymore.  In fact, I am actually enjoying it more haha!  When it's not about how I perform, but that God is in control and going to help me and I know that, I just take a deep breath and it helps helps helps me.  When my head gets terrible, I just pray and I know God has a plan.  Such love God such love.  SO ENCOURAGED.  My head has been doing better and the meds have been working.  I am so thankful.  I just have to take the meds on time and be diligent with keeping on eating healthy, drinking tonnnss of water.. I feel better, have more energy, and I'm in the kitchen baking and baking.  I have energy to do things again.  And I feel alive.  My head is working again.  It is clearer and I have been having times without pain.  I was driving home from practice this morning and just smiling so thankful so thankful so thankful.  My head still gets bad but my God reigns and is sufficient.  He is filling my joy.  

All the stress of college aps and an upcoming music audition and only being two months into intense practicing after coming off a serious arm injury.. haha oh my goodness. When I think of the work cut out for me, I used to get so so freaked out. Then, I look back and see where God has totally carried me through all the ACT's.. the SAT.. state finals.. why am I worrying?  

I go back to head treatments today.. Nuerotension treatments which are by far the most painful treatments of all I've been through.  It's kinda funny because when I was in treatments for my arm and biting my lip and praying through treatments, I used to think "at least this is in my arm.. because pain above my neck is so scary to me. I am so scared of having these treatments in my head"  and now look.. haha God has a plan<33  they have figured out that the problems with my head pain is related to my arm and nerve tension in my neck and head.

I am going in for those treatments for my head and I am not afraid because I know God is with me and I have prayer and there is so much peace and love from HIM in my heart.  I am no longer afraid.   Competitions, praying about if I should go back with the state team next year and then prayerfully to Nationals while I'm at college, all these things, I'm not worried anymore - because I trust God...

I'm finally learning what that means.  I get it.  There is SO MUCH peace in that.  I have so much more joy.  I'm not stressed out or freaked out or worried.  I know God is walking with me and carrying me and going to take care of it ALLL.  

The mentalness of meat judging, the fast fingers needed even when my hands go numb while playing the violin, GOD IS HELPING ME.  I see Him helping me.  I'll be going through my scales and my hands are numb and I just can't do it.. and I pray.. and immediately I can just feel God helping me.  Why am I trying to do it myself?  I just need to TRUST.  that is what I am learning.  

my joy is full.  

and trusting God REALLY does make a difference... 

I am weak but He is strong.. 

and I am strong enough 

only because He is holding me. 

<3

and I can't stop smiling.

that's what I've been learning this week. 

May the God of peace be with you all. Amen. 

- Romans 15:33