growing this joy in me.

so lately, I've been realizing that,

don't talk about it.

be about it.

I have all these kids playing through my head.  I pray for them.  I want to be there for all of them.  I would take them each out to coffee once a week if I could.  I want to pray with them.  I want to read the Bible with them.  I want to love on them.  But, I'm just me.  little me.  little me.

I've been seeing lately more than ever how it's important to stand up for what is right even when it means standing alone.  Jesus calls us to let our light shine.  I want my light to shine so much.  I've been seeing more lately that I'm awake, alive, so blessed.  I just need Jesus.  He is oxygen to me.  Without Him, even one moment begins to break me down... eating me away.  There is such beauty in His Joy.  But then I think. oh goodness haha I'm just little me.  

I've been reading through 2 Corinthians.  I finished it this morning while I was blow drying my hair before school.  I didn't have a chance to take my pen out and mark it up so I'll be re-reading it again :)  God has been showing me so much.  Guess most of all He has been showing me that He calls us to live in His Love.  Paul has overflowing joy.  I want joy like that.  As I read deeper, my heart just whispers, "all I am is Yours God"

and I want that.  Jesus sweetly breaks me.  gently changing me.  growing this joy in me.  spreading this peace in me. 

this weakness.. is the beginning of humbleness.  I never realized that before.  When I realize just how I am so little.  God is so big.  I am NOTHING without Him.  It humbles me greatly... and shows me this. 

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.

//2 Corinthians 4:7

what beauty.  what love.  what sweet grace.  Jesus is showing me not to talk about this love but to be about it.  It is transforming this heart of mine.   I realize this abandon of my heart into Jesus' Love is the best of all.  It is not about how much I love... how much I pray with and for these kids... all these things I need to do... but be growing in God.   Because Jesus shows me once again that it's not about shining so others see me.  but that others see Him.. 

that is my greatest desire. <3  I want to love mercy, walk humbly... and be free in His Love.  These prayers are not my duty but my desire.  Talking to God is like telling Him the breathings of my heart... even though He knows all of them.  Jesus is changing me.  gently changing me. <333  He's growing this joy in me.

Jesus is greater than anything.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

-- building 429