i need more love.

I need more love.

I need Jesus.  I just need God. I need more love.  My heart has been really thinking and praying about outreach lately.  When I'm working out doing my core workouts and my body is screaming at me while running getting back my muscle after these injuries, these kids come to my mind.   I keep praying.  I need more love.  I need Jesus.  I just need God.  It burns in my heart so much.  I'm driving down the road.  I'm sitting in church.  I can't go ANYWHERE or do anything and ministry isn't burning in my heart.  God sure is laying it on my heart.. I just need more love.  I've been having a really hard time with that.  I know I have a problem and that problem is me.  I need a servant's heart. 

I have such a desire to be with kids and pray with and for kids, share Jesus with kids.. oh my goodness the biggest trial to me right now is that I wish I had a big van where I could pick up 15 kids and take them with me to youth group.  Haha. <33  but I realize just how much I need love.  We need love.  I've been praying a ton for my leadership team.  Been reading John and Romans... just finished both and I realized that WAY more.  It's changing my relationships.  I need more love.  

The other day I was at Costco and I had just finished a head treatment, my sister was getting contacts and I was running over for something to drink... so I was putting lids on three drinks and randomly looked over while carrying over the straw trash..  and I saw one of the girls that we had just helped with in ER the other day... one of our attempted suicidal kids.  She was taken to rehab and I remember God just putting her on my heart.  It was so bad that they wouldn't release her and an ambulance took her instead of her family.  She had bright pink hair and there she was.  My heart just totally started rejoicing that she had made it out of rehab.. she was laughing with her family.  It made my whole day. haha.  <33  And it just reminded me again.. I need more love.  There's kids in my life like this and I don't need to go to the ER to get to know them.  I have names that come to my head without even having to think more than 3 seconds.  I need God.  

Then this girl in my youth group the other day told me that if it wasn't for God and me loving her, she would have taken her life.   Love stopped her from taking her life.  I almost lost it. 

There's other people that by circumstances, totally things should have taken us apart.  But, by God's Plan - He has kept them.. and I realize that plan for that now.  The voicemails left on my phone.  The texts.  The messages.  It's all God.  I need more love.  I need Jesus.   I lack love.  I am so convicted.

So I'm praying a lot more.. 

and praying with kids more. 

and praying more. 

and keeping reading my Bible.  

because God keeps bringing John 13 to my mind.  It goes like this.  

I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him.  Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

 

"When you die, there’s going to be a tombstone. It’s going to have your name, it’s going to have the year you were born, and it’s going to have the day you died. In between, there’s going to be a dash. And that dash is going to represent everything that you did in your life; good and bad. It’s how you’re remembered. What do you want your dash to represent?" -Tim Tebow

and on mine?

I want to live a life that says:

"she loved"

I need God so much. 

this is my prayer. <33